Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just another medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity wrapped in brutal realism. Every session is a unique adventure, filled with side quests so bizarre they'll leave you laughing. Below are just a few of the wildest escapades I've experienced while exploring the unforgiving beauty of Bohemia. These tales are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the game's hilariously unpredictable side quests.
Table of Contents
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
Nestled in the heart of the map lies Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, a fistfight arena, and a tavern populated by two incredibly lazy troubadours. These aspiring musicians dream of conquering Bohemia with their "epic" songs, but lack funds, an instrument, and any discernible artistic direction. Should they sing of noble ideals or beautiful women? The question remains unanswered.
Determined to help, Henry embarks on a series of increasingly ridiculous errands. He steals a lute (risking arrest and reputational damage), only to have the musicians snap its strings and demand new ones made from sheep intestines. Further complications arise: the bards owe money to the innkeeper and refuse to work off their debt, claiming it's beneath their genius to carry sacks. After hours of running errands, they finally have everything they need—instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song glorifying Henry's mundane exploits: stealing, butchering sheep, and hauling bags. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They require crafting by a local hunter, Vojtěch. The problem? Vojtěch is a drunkard who wandered into the woods, encountered wolves, and climbed a tree like a drunken chimpanzee. During the rescue, he falls and injures his leg. The intended outcome involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse from bandits, and helping him sober up. In return, he'd become a loyal ally. But what if you deliver him straight to the tavern?
I did just that, carrying the disgruntled hunter through forests and swamps. His reaction upon arrival? Less than thrilled. He berated me, questioned my intelligence, and limped away. Our next encounter? He offered me a view of his shack as compensation for my "help."
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
The Polovtsians are the villains responsible for Henry’s family's tragedy. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern, I prepared for vengeance. Instead, I found friendly fellows eager to socialize. Soon, I was matchmaking, drinking, and singing bizarre songs with them. Then, a talking dog interrupted, lecturing me on life's purpose and challenging me to swim across a lake. I survived, laughing hysterically the whole time.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
After mastering stealth and burglary, I became Public Enemy Number One. A single botched heist—looting armor from a guard barracks—led to my near-arrest. It wasn't the theft itself, but the flashy accessories and lingering stench that gave me away. The game's attention to detail is astonishing.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
I stole a horse, intending to sell it to Mikolaj, the gypsy horse trader. However, Mikolaj was asleep, and the horse bolted before I could secure it. I waited until dawn, watching Mikolaj eat porridge at a glacial pace. Eventually, I sold the horse, learning a valuable lesson: even minor escapades become hilarious misadventures in Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
These are just a few examples of what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so unique. Every decision, no matter how small, has consequences. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with dogs, the game is endlessly entertaining. Its realism and immersion make every playthrough a memorable experience. Bohemia awaits!
